The Greatest Lesson Learned
Here I am. It is 2010 and I swear I am having problems recognizing that person staring back at me in the mirror. She does not even look like the old me. Last year was rough on me and no matter how hard I tried, there were too may tears and not enough smiles. There was no explanation for my heartache; at least, not a simple one. I am used to challenges and last year had some hurdles, but no bigger then any other year. My life can get a little crazy. I have a stressful job, two boys to watch over, and a table to put food on, but all of that is normal. It was my tiny little secret that brought me so much sadness. I found triathlon, Xterras that is, on a whim. It was not part of a calculated plan. It was just a way for me to get out of the house, get some exercise, escape the stress and reality of my day to day life, and the cries of a newborn and toddler. What I got back from the sport is more then I could ever put into words. It gave me confidence, coping skills, and most importantly, a slew of great new friends. I never took myself too seriously and looked at each race as a new adventure that was until the end of 2008. My husband coaxed me into taking my participation to the next level. It was time to get serious, work hard, and focus on having a great 2009 season. Guess what happened? All of that stress on top of life stress and work stress caused me to pretty much have a complete breakdown. The thing that I loved was now a burden, there were no adventures in front of me, but instead things I had to do. My swim got slower, my bike got slower, my run fell apart, and worst of all, my smile was gone. I can see it in the pictures from last year. There is sadness and fear in my eyes, not joy. It was a downward spiral, the worse I did, the worse I felt about myself. I was a bad wife, a bad Mom, and a bad friend. So after a season of lackluster results, barely qualifying for Nationals, and missing a Maui spot, it was time for some serious evaluation and soul searching. It was not my entire fault, there were outside factors, but at the core of the problem was the unneeded pressure I put on myself. I was terrified of missing a workout, so I trained when I was tired, I trained when I was hurt, and I trained when I should have been spending time doing other things. I refused to go on a fun ride with friends until the season was over, no girl time, and I chose training over spending time with my family. My friends attempted to help me, so did my husband, but sometimes when you are stuck in a hole; you do not know how to get out; all you can do is kick at the dirt walls and scream. At first I was going to quit, give up, walk away and never race again, but then it came to me, I just needed to have fun again. The first step was taking a week off at Christmas in exchange for some quality family time on the ski slopes. There was no talk of training, not even a word. The only words we spoke related to racing were my Mom attempting to convince me to race in Georgia, so she could see me. Georgia I thought a new adventure! I found balance again. Training was fun and not a burden even under the blanket of fresh Colorado snow and cold air. I am once looking forward to a year of new adventures, new friends, and lots of laughs. That is not to say that I do not train, I do and I work hard, but now I am doing it because I want to, not because I have to. The structure and rigor may work for some people, but for me I do much better when I am enjoying myself. Sometimes the greatest lessons learned are sometimes the simplest, but the most life changing. Here is to 2010, may it bring us all a little more smiles and laughs. I think the whole World could use more of that right about now.